I need to stop coming to work sober
there was a trapeze. enough said
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
