Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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