so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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