you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
