I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
