i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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