I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
