He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can I color on your dick again?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
