He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
