I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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