you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
