Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize