I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
