you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
