Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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