U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
