dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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