So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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