Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
