So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
