I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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