4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
now i know why i became what i already was.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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