What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
