Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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