I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
