He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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