White coat. Heels.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
