craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
