I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
3 2 1 whiskey
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After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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