New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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