those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
