I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
