My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize