You really coming over, don't trick.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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