Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
