I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
now i know why i became what i already was.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
