Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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