I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
