Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
