Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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