She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
