sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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