now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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