His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
