he shaved USA in his pubs
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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