I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
