I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
