I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
