My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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