Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
