I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
