And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
