oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So vagazzling was a success
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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