physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
