The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
