Sry I called you an 8
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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