made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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