You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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