Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize