Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
