Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize