Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he was CRYING into my vagina
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
