just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize