I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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